As a side note, if you're looking to whet your appetite for a cynical church kid attitude, you can just stop reading right now. Or you can keep reading. You're just not going to get much cynicism this time.
I realized what's been lacking in my life In fact, I think I've realized why Christians sometimes act the way they act. While Christians should, ideally, be a loving group of people, they so often are portrayed and thought of as wanting in the area of love.
Today I had such a duh moment. As in, duh, most Christians don't love others, it's because they've lost sight of the love of Christ.
Duh.
Although, it's not that we've simply forgot that Christ and love can be used in the same sentence, or even that he loves humanity as a whole.
I think that on the personal level, we don't realize God's immense love for us. And this is hurting our ability to love others. I mean, if you don't realize that you are loved by the one who commands you to love, then your efforts towards genuine love will most likely fall flat.
Sitting in church today, singing this one song, I realized that I had not focused much on the fact that God loves me. I knew he wanted me to do the right thing. I knew he cared enough to let me pray. I knew he died for me. But somehow, I had been missing the most crucial piece of the puzzle.
That he actually loves me.
I think I started crying. And that's weird, because it's been a crazy long time since I've cried. As crazy as I know some of you think it is, the fact that I am loved unconditionally by Jesus just blew my mind. I can't contain myself when I think about it for too long. And yet, I don't want to stop thinking about it.
Love is personal again.
I don't walk around thinking "oh, God loves the world." Although it is true that God's love extends to each and every person, it's so vital to have it on a personal level. "He loves me" echoes through my mind.
I love the feeling of being loved. I don't care if you think that I'm so desperate to be loved that I force emotional highs involving a deity. I don't care if you think I'm out of my mind. Simply, I don't care what you think.
I think, no I know, Jesus loves me. And that's enough for me.
