Life in Gray

Life is filled with gray areas. Areas that could be slanted either way.
Life is filled with people who live their entire lives in these gray areas.

It's easier to live in a gray area. Much easier than actually standing for something, especially something that may make you lose things. Sitting down in a grey area doesn't take as much out of you as standing for something controversial does. That's why people like to stay there.
It's so much easier to just say that the world is screwed and you can't change it. Actually trying to change a world in which you think you have so much to lose is harder. Because sometimes you do lose things for trying to change things.

How important are those things, really?

Maybe someone who said they loved you won't be there in the morning. Maybe people who told you that you were amazing won't respect you in a week. Maybe all of the comfortable walls you've built around yourself will come crashing down.
Are those potential losses enough to keep you on the bench in a gray area?

Because the world deserves more,
You deserve more,
Than complacency.

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which have atually happened [Mark Twain]

Midnights in October

It's one of those night again.
I'm up way too late, mostly because of my mad procrastination skills, but that's another story completely.
For the most part, my mind has been racing like crazy lately all the time, so that makes it hard to get anything done, especially sleep. I'm always thinking too much.
Like, about how people change.

More specifically, how I keep changing.
I'm definitely not the same person I was when a lot of people first met me. I'm for sure not the same person I was this time last year. And I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.
I can feel myself changing now, too, whether for the better or not, I have no idea. So many things about me now are not what they were last fall. I think for the most part I'm still me, but I'm a different me than I used to be. Maybe I'm a better me, or maybe even I'm a worse me.
Or maybe the people around me are just changing, but that doesn't make sense, either.

I'm guessing my whole life is going to be like this: a series of changes in who I am, or at least how I am.
It would be easier if I didn't have to deal with constant change, but I doubt it would be as exciting.

I just wish I knew how long I'll be this me...the me that I am today...on October 9th, 2008.

Quote: "I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich" {Jane; 27 Dresses}

Real Cynics Want You to Give Away Everything

Well. The main purpose of this post is to revel in how awesome I am at taking pictures of candles (see above).
Other than my candle pictures, I have very little to say.
Except that today is Swap Ideas Day and Sew Be It Day (which I would assume involves some sort of replacing buttons on various articles of clothing). So, knock yourself out.

And, I can't believe the emptiness around me. Everyone is so full of emptiness.
It sounds like such a feat is impossible, but thats really what I see everyday all the time. No one has any meaning.
Today in World Civ, we discussed Greek philosophy. The only reason philosophies exist is because they are there to fill an emptiness. When asked what the purpose of life was, so many people say things like:
whatever makes you happy.
Is happiness even fulfilling??
I used to think I would be happy once I was done with learning multiplication and division. Then it was Disney World. Then, I thought I would be happy once I got jeans from Hollister. Then it was finishing high school; once that's done and I can move on to better things, I will be so happy. Now, I'm waiting on even more things to make me happy.
I don't think happiness is even attainable. Sure, there are moments of happiness and those are amazing. Everyone loves to be happy. Everyone looks for things to make them happy. But, making that feeling perpetual...that is completely unattainable.
So, why spend your life on something that isn't even attainable?

Quote of the Day!: Although prepared for martyrdom, I prefer that it be postponed. {Sir Winston Churchill}

You Wish You Knew This Before...

So. Today, September 9th, is what is known as Bonza Bottler Day.

{From the offical Bonza Bottler Day website:
What is Bonza Bottler Day?A Bonza Bottler Day is celebrated once a month when the number of the month coincides with the number of the day (Jan. 1, Feb. 2, March 3, etc.). When the number of the year also coincides with the number of the day and month (July 7, 1997), there is reason to have a bigger celebration (more food, more friends and more decorations). We call this a Bodacious Bonza Bottler Day. Bodacious means "extraordinary, impressively great in size, or enormous." A baby born on a Bonza Bottler Day is known as a Bonza Bottler Baby which makes those birthday celebrations doubly special.The mascot is a dancing groundhog (which has for many years celebrated on Feb. 2) that is strewing confetti and laughing amid the logo, "I Celebrate Bonza Bottler Day." }

Unfortunately, since September 9th is close to being over, this means that I will need to postpone my Bonza Bottler Day Celebratory party until October 10th, 2008.
But, at the same time, I think I'll be ok with missing this celebration. In the month of September alone, there are so many obscurely wonderful holidays to enjoy. However, since this is my first post of September, I feel it my duty to inform you of the greatest celebrations that the entire month of September is dedicated to.

September is...

...Biscuit Month (mmmmmmmm gooood)

...Fall Hat Month (what constitutes as a "fall hat" exactly?)

...Hug a Texas Chef Month (I will be on the look out for such a chef; you should be too)

...National Chicken Month (there are two ways to observe this month: eat lots of chicken in an effort to enjoy that aspect of chicken; or eat no chicken in order to respect the chicken's feelings on that matter)

...National Coupon Month (it's for REAL: http://www.couponmonth.com/)

These are just a few of the many, many things that September is dedicated to celebrating. I trust that you will have a splendid September, while eating biscuits and chicken made by a texan chef wearing a fall hat, who is in need of hugging but is completely occupied with cutting coupons from the Sunday paper.

Quote of the day: "I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong" ~Lucy Van Pelt

Seriously, kids, just be yourselves...

Empty faces filling empty spaces.
Hollow hearts following a hollow beat.
Everyone's scared
No one's aware
Monotonous feet marching in a monotonous line
Straight ahead and right on time
A place to belong comes at a price
Only the crowd knows wrong and right
Everyone follows: nobody leads
No one knows who to be
Drowning in a sea of complaceny
No one cares about anything
As long as the line stays the same.

"Just be yourself."
"If people don't love you for you, they're not worth you."
"Follow your heart."
"Be the chalk, not the blackboard."
"Just be yourself."

This message of being yourself is persistantly thrown at us. It is a parent's or a teacher's favorite phrase. Books are written on it. Songs are sung about it.
And, of course, everyone likes to think that they are themselves. At least, when there are people around. But, in the quiet moments, these same people question whether they really are themselves, or whether they even know who that elusive 'self' is after all. The truth is, everyone is a little bit scared of themselves.
It is so much easier to simply follow trends than to actually become your own person.
Well, lucky for us, the new trend is being yourself. Now, it is cool to be your own person. Breaking out of the mold is the thing to do. Anticonformity is the movement of the hour.
The time has come to truly be different...
...just like everyone else.
Even in being ourselves, we can't win. Everyone is being themselves. And everyone gets their idea of who they are from the same place. So, in a sense, everyone is being different in the same way.
We can't help but conform even when we're trying to be unique. It's some sort of security to be the same as other people. Then, at least, we know that we're not weird. We're not different. But, at the same time, we're crying out for difference.
I know I've noticed this in my life. My greatest aspiration has been to just be normal, as is many other people's.
But, something else I've begun noticing: the normal people are not usually remembered. The normal people usually don't change the world. To change the world, you have to be willing to be different, truly different. It is hard to make a difference without being different.
Those with the greatest influence are seldom normal.
In fact, they're usually not.

Today's (complete random and therefore unrelated) quote:
"Trips to the dentist- I like to pospone those kinds of things" {Johnny Depp}

Don't Blink: You Might Miss It

Michael Jackson turned 50 yesterday.
So did millions of other people.
And yet more people were born yesterday.
There were still more people who died yesterday.

Life is not as long as we like to think it is. If you blink your eyes, you will most likely miss a good portion of your life.

Life is not easier with your eyes closed.

If your eyes are closed, you will miss something that you will never get back, something that will be over in a breath. You will miss your entire life.
It's been said that life is a vapor. And whoever said that couldn't be more right. Life is gone before you know it. You think you have all the time in the world, when you really only have one lifetime. And that is not a long time.

If life is so incredibly short, what is there to live for? Does it really matter, then, if you have the most "friends"? Does it really matter, then, if you were the best at...something? Does it really matter, then, if you have the right car, house, and clothes? Does it really matter, then, if you make everybody happy?
Because you never will.

Life may be short, but in it there can be more than we have ever known. In this short span of time, all of us are given an opportunity to live for something that is bigger than ourselves, something that makes life worth living. As cliched as it sounds, it's true.
There are bigger things than us.

Life is short. Live. But live for something worth living for.
And most importantly: Keep your eyes open.

Quote of the day (selected at random): "Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say 'infinitely' when you mean 'very'; otherwise, you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite." ~C.S. Lewis

Lightening Bugs

Is it fear... or is it simply a sense of practicality?

There are dreams that I have held tightly for as long as I can remember. And that's all; I've only held onto them, never putting them to any real use. My dreams are made of such improbable, impossible stuff. How could anything real come from something that echos so loudly of fantasy.

Am I only being realistic when I abandon my dreams, because I'm not tall enough to reach them? Or are my inhibitions the cause of my inability to reach them? Have I conditioned myself to give up on my dreams out of fear, all the while claiming that I am only being realistic?

The line between realism and simple giving up is so blurred. Do my fears cause me to settle for substitute dreams? Have I become complacent, apathetic to the whether my dreams ever become reality, because it is too difficult to make them real? Or have I found an alternative based on practical facts of life?

Even though I hold on to my dreams, every once and a while, in a safe and secluded place, I'll let go of them. I'll let them float around. Then I'll chase them. I have run around in circles for hours, trying to catch a precious dream, and make it last until the morning. Dreams are elusive.

If I want one, I guess I'll need to give up everything else. Am I ready to sacrifice my whole world to make a dream come true? How do I even know what I really dream about? What if I only think I want a certain thing? How dangerous would the world be...if my dream actually came true?

Maybe the fear to do something persuades us to dream about it. Myabe dreams are only visions of who we wish we could be. Then, is anything keeping my dreams from coming true? Were these dreams even meant to come true in the first place? Or are they only meant to be dreamt about? Is there any possibility of dreams coming true, or are they hopeless from the beginning?

What stops dreams from coming true?

It's me.

I keep my dreams from achieving the status of reality.

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. {Edgar Allan Poe}